Random Update

In a nutshell:

  • I went on an antidepressant and can actually concentrate and care!
  • Got a new job right before Yule, and things are going pretty well, even when I’m slow (averaging 10 massages a week right now, woohoo!)
  • Finished paying off my wedding dress! Now I just need to get bustier and shoes and I can see about getting it fit
  • Completed the design for wedding invitations and reply cards
  • Started working with the Morrigan. Taking it slow for starters, but, I know I need to start amping it up a little each month. January was my light a candle to her each night month. Not sure yet what February will bring, but, I’m looking forward to it.
  • I’m finally going back to school to finish my degree – orientation is Monday. I’m going to be majoring in Creative Writing, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
  • Spoke with recruiters and I can’t start paperwork until no more than six months prior to graduation. After my initial run in with the recruiters, I’m leaning Army over Air Force, but, I’m willing to pay the Air Force another visit in 18 months, to see if I get a better vibe.
  • I’m doing a 30 day squat challenge and a 30 day abs challenge. I’m day 11/30. Almost to the halfway mark. Week 2 of my NerdFitness challenge fizzled out due to Real Life (go to hell), but Week 3 was quite a comeback and Week 4 is going swell.

More later…

Defiant Kelari Corruptor Mage – Isistia

So, I kinda screwed up when I typed the name in: I meant to put Isistania, but didn’t. Oh well. It is pronounced Isis-tia, not Is-istia.

Just reached level 7 and I am really enjoying the storyline so far. Finally ready to start creating and destroying rifts!

I think that they do a good job with making the story something you can pick up with not knowing anything about it (I just downloaded it cuz a friend suggested it and said it was F2P). Not to mention, they make you feel like a badass saviour (at least as Defiant, I haven’t made a Guardian). Unlike World of Warcraft, where you do stupid things like kill bandits in a field, the quests seem to relate to progress through the story. It feels like there’s a reason behind your “random” killing sprees for XP and loot.

The interface is basically identical to WoW (at least from my brief stints with WoW). Not completely different from Lord of the Rings: Online, but the visuals of it are definitely WoW. Still trying to make sure my keymapping is redone to what I’m used to with LotRO.

The graphics are visually pleasing. Still feels more like a video game than LotRO, but, it lacks the cartoonish quality present in WoW. I, for one, am pleased by that. In addition, my character’s boobs are not outlandishly anime large. I ALWAYS appreciate that factor! I’m still waiting for boob size to be adjustable in an MMO… I mean, if they can do it in Sims…

The combat system seems fairly straightforward. They have a nice tutorial on the Soul Trees (Trait Trees in LotRO). You can choose to let the game automatically apply your points for you, or you can pick and choose. I like fire, so, I’m leaning heavier on the side of fire than the side of death, but heavier on death than poison stuff. It’s just how I roll.

Right now, it’s mostly button mashing, because I’m only 7, and you don’t really need much in the way of skill yet. I’ve re-formatted my skills in my quickslot bar, however, so, I’ll be trying to experiment with how they play off of each other.

This Ascended One is ready to start changing history.

Stuff.

I re-did my altar. That makes me feel better. I’m going to put out some water in my silver bowl tonight.

 

Anyway.

 

I started my new job today, and had my first massage there. It went really well. The client said afterward, “I feel like I’m on Cloud 9.” FISTPUMP. And, I have two massages already scheduled for Friday. For me, business is booming. ;)

I also picked up my antidepressants tonight. Today marks Day 1 of happy pills. We’ll see what happens?

More later when I’m not lazy.

Soup for the Soul

I’ve been having ups and downs and random breakdowns. Doesn’t PTSD ever just go away?

I start the homeopathics again tomorrow. I’m thinking of setting up some alarms on my phone for them and for my vitamins, so I actually remember to take them. Maybe taking them will help WITH my memory.

Inspired by a friend, I made some soup yesterday:

ImageNo real recipe, just threw stuff together. Browned some ground beef with two cloves of garlic and some onion powder (texture thing). Added one large-ish can of tomato sauce, a fair bit of water, about 3 bouillon cubes, a can of green beans, a can of pinto beans, some frozen carrots, and half a box of pasta. Add pepper, salt, thyme, oregano, rosemary, and a dash of sugar to help with the acidity, and voila! Hearty yumminess in a bowl.

Some things are starting to look up, though. There’s something tomorrow, and something else on Friday. Please send good vibes, energy, and thoughts. I’m hoping all goes well…

In the meantime, Project: Apothecary is underway. I’m working on creating a spell oil for Rhiannon – all the possibilities! Teeming of endlessness, but, I think I’m narrowing it down. Time to figure out exactly what ingredients I need to get for it, versus what I have on hand.

Turning of the Wheel

It’s that time of year again – my favourite holiday is coming up!

I’m disappointed that I will not be able to attend Yule ritual with my group, but, I am excited for my friend’s wedding. Give and take, I suppose.

J assisted me with setting up the tree, yesterday, and I hung some lights, garland, and tinsel around. Still not finished decorating, but, the tree is done! Everything is really starting to look festive and that helps me feel better. Plus, cranking out TSO on my surround sound?

I’m thinking of condensing altars. I’m not sure. Having shrines in my bedroom really… isn’t working? Not sure what to do, because I have next to no space on my altar table. I’m thinking I might shrink the shrines for now and keep them on part of my dresser, and re-do my altar with my Rhiannon statue and something for Cernunnos and, of course, some stuff for Yule. I think it’s time to change it up from how I have it, just for some extra spice in my life. The part of me that hates change is cringing, but, the rebel is excited.

This way, I can clear up some more “counter” space, and maybe if I’m not scattered everywhere in a home that is too small for me to actually live in, I can actually make the effort to “do” stuff.

I did pull out my herbal grimoire, and intend to really get down and dirty with that, even if I’m just doing one herbal update in it a week.

I’m currently plotting some spell oil or herbal blends for both Rhiannon and Cernunnos. I think it will be good.

Baby steps

I really don’t have any actual problems with my therapist. I just sometimes think that she’s more abstract than I want/need. It’s not that I don’t get what she’s saying. I just struggle with taking the ideas and putting them into practice.

I went to the co-op with J on Saturday. We picked up a number of things to hopefully help me pick up pieces, cope, and restart.

I got two homeopathic remedies, botg by Liddell Laboratories. One is “Overwhelmed” (and tastes like ass) and the other is “Anxiety.” The concept is   simple enough – herbal blends that I spray under my tongue three times a day.

Today is day 3 of taking them, but even J has commented that there’s a difference. I’m not crying at the drop of a hat and I’m dealing when things don’t go as planned.

Case in point: the gingerbread overflowed the 8″ cake pan I used in lieu of a 9″ square pan (that I don’t have), but, I dealt with it calmly and rationally, and moved on.

I also picked up some Valerian Root to help with sleep. I did get to sleep last night, with 1 pill (directions did say 3), but, nightmares all night, as usual.

I also picked up some primrose to help with libido, but   I haven’t tried yet. I think I’m nervous. What if it doesn’t work?

Follow Your Bliss

Yesterday was a turning point in my life. I received my Call to Adventure, or at least, I actually acknowledged it when the universe shoved it in my face. If you have not yet seen the documentary on Joseph Campbell, Finding Joe, I suggest that you remedy that. It is excellent. Moving imagery, his quotes, and discussion on them from a variety of sources.

It was a reminder that the only person standing in my way was me, and I just had to actually start walking my path, and not one other people think I should have. Their opinion doesn’t matter.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. – Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1st Inaugural Address

 

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. – Gandalf, The Fellowship of The Ring (J.R.R. Tolkien)

 

Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear; the brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. – Meg Cabot, The Princess Diaries

The one thing that has not changed since I was a very small child is my love of Story. I created them. I told them. I acted them out to myself every chance I got–doing dishes, walking the dog, even schoolwork. I wrote them. I had notebooks full of story ideas. I had word documents on every computer. I wrote my first novel at the age of fourteen. Every story is the same: every story follows the hero’s journey. But, every story is different. Every story I ever wrote or told was my story, and it was not my story. It was my character’s story. It was my listener’s story.

If I am never financially successful with writing, then so be it. I do not write for money. I write for Story. I write to express my thoughts and feelings, philosophy, emotions. I write to share. I write for bliss.

You fail only if you stop writing. – Ray Bradbury

 

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. – William Wordsworth

 

All stories are true. – Skarpi, The Name of the Wind (Patrick Rothfuss)

And, I realised something else. When I first read Patrick Rothfuss’ The Name of the Wind, I felt swept on a dance, through a symphony a whirl of music and emotion. I wanted that. It reminded me of when I read The Silmarillion and the creation of Arda. I am working with Rhiannon. Music is an offering to her, and to me, stories are the music that is written down. It feels oddly fitting. I am content. I am inspired. I must journey. I cannot sit still. And I am discontent to stay.

It’s the new year

…for witches, at least.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just standing here and there’s a wind blowing about me that catches random things in its tendrils. New job, wedding, etc.

In betwixt NaNo, sewing for CRF next weekend, K coming to visit, and trying to keep track of which way is up, I realise that I don’t always remember to take the time to just breathe. Life keeps trucking, and it will whirl you along at its own pace. Sometimes, I just have to relax and let it carry me. After all, it takes more than one person to keep a ship sailing.

I have some good thoughts for the coming year. Things will work out. Between cons, birthdays, journeys, rituals, weddings, and mortgages… yeah. It’ll be good.

Now, happy writing. You have 29 more days – keep those pencils sharp!

Where I stand on my supposed Goals

  • Gun Safety, then hit up the shooting range, and get a handgun to keep at home -  I did hit up the shooting range, once, but I still want to do some more
  • Graduate and become a Licensed Massage Therapist! –   I graduated from Massage Therapy school with excellent grades, and I am waiting for the Board of Nursing to mail me my Certificate
  • Quit Wells Fargo and start practicing massage – I quit Wells Fargo, and I have a job at a salon
  • Take Reiki up through practitioner level, at the least – I have reached Level II in Reiki, and have an opportunity to take Advanced Reiki (Level III) in December, should I choose
  • Start certification for Craniosacral therapy -  I have done nothing toward Craniosacral therapy, but, I am considering it next summer
  • Continue self-education on essential oils and Aromatherapy - I have been studying herbs in general, and made my own Lavender Oil
  • Bike to Mordor – I’ve made some progress on my trip to Mordor, but still haven’t made it to Bree – I still have time, though. My current mileage is 91.5 – Entered a fold and following it SE to Withywindle
  • 10 hikes by the end of the year - I have done a couple hikes, but it’s not 10. Even so, J and I intend to do some more long walks/light hikes/what have you throughout the rest of the year – last week we went two miles, for instance
  • 3-5 camping trips by the end of the year – We’ve definitely reached 3 camping trips, including RenFaires and Six Flags – loved it
  • 2 quilts completed – No quilts are completed, but, I was just thinking that I should work on my quilt top again
  • Save for and purchase a harp, and begin learning to play – I am saving for a wedding, instead of a harp – unplanned, but better?
  • Monthly at-home spa day to relax, restore, and rejuvenate – I have failed miserably at monthly-spa day…
  • Make the time to meditate weekly – I haven’t been consistent, but, lately, it’s been almost daily
  • Henna/Indigo my hair back to its nice medium-dark brown, to rid myself of chemical dyes and help grow it out faster and healthier – It is dyed back to brown, but I’d still like to use indigo. I just chopped 3″ off it to help it stay healthy, but, it had reached waist length – I just need to trim the split ends more often
  • Brew mead - I have not brewed mead, nor do I believe I actually will this year
  • Acquire full gauntlets suitable for heavy fighting in the SCA -  As of yet, I have been unable to do so. I have some possibilities, however…
  • Pick up weight training again - It’s been on and off, thanks to my back, and later my knee
  • Begin learning bellydancing – So far, I’ve done nothing, however, I have a possible class I’d like to take – all dependent on money, though
  • Begin making soy candles - I keep meaning to, but, not yet
  • Read 1 new book a month, especially taking the time to start reading some Susun Weed and Rosemary Gladstar - Nope. I’ve read a couple new books, but, I don’t know if it’s 10… It’s at least 5, though
  • Acquire a feline companion for Morgana, to keep her company - Denna! She is adorable, and yet also I want to strangle her. Grrrrr. ;)

Hanging by a thread

I came very close to walking away from my job today. I was torn between screaming, crying, and chucking one of my monitors at someone. 15 people is not enough to deal with a pipeline of 1000 files, even when we’re clearing 300 a day…. because we’re getting about 300 new ones a day, too.

 

The last of my clinicals are scheduled for Saturday, however, and then it’s time to shell over large amounts of money to add three letters to my name. But, hey! That’s part of growing up, isn’t it? And who knew pieces of the alphabet could be worth so much.

 

In the meantime… the next time I have some spare change, John and I are heading up 81 again to Purgatory Emporium. We’ve passed it too many times now, and I am in need of SOMETHING from an antique store with that kind of name. After all, who isn’t?

 

I may even try to sleep in on Sunday for the first time in a really long time. It may help my mood. Or just help the fat that I’m so behind on sleep it’s not even funny.

 

Boudica (the new car) is running well, at least, for which I am very grateful. Monday night is for advanced study group and I am excited beyond belief for that.

 

Note to self: Pick up muslin tomorrow so you can finish the work on the lavender essential oil you started last week. And start thinking of a good time to do the guided meditation to Rhiannon.

 

Went to the gym for the first time in a LONG time tonight, and it was so worth it. Worked off that can of beets I ate today! Gonna hit it up again on Friday.

 

Emailing the guy back about SCA to get some final advice on gauntlets, and then they are MINE. Found the necessary documentation for my “first name” for the SCA. Now I have to suss out how to properly present it and send it in.