TeenPact: Changing Lives, but How?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my experience with TeenPact – a Christian teen leadership organisation – and the pitfalls thereof. It’s one thing to confess concerns in private; it’s an entirely different matter to come forth.

After more than a little of the far easier private discussion, Kiery and I have decided that staying quiet will help no one. To this end, we are heading up a TeenPact “exposé” week, where stories, both anonymous and not, will be shared on Between Black and White throughout the week of May 20-26.

If you would like to participate, please feel free to contact either Kiery or myself here.

We firmly believe there are other stories to be told. You’re not alone, and neither are we.

If we truly want to change lives for the better, it’s time to take a stand, however quietly, against the “culture war.”

Even if you’re not ready to speak up – and that’s ok – we’d appreciate you passing this on.

UnCrafty Witch

That’s how I feel, at least, right now.

I feel like I should be cooking more, or sewing, or just plain creating.

Instead, my home is overrun by unorganised things from the now-empty former abode of my boyfriend, and things temporarily here that belong to his mother. I want to scream. I know, however, that it won’t help.

I’m going to try and get up and throw some mac & cheese together tonight for Hiro to come home to after work. Doesn’t help me feel particularly witchy, but, y’know. Baby steps?

 

I do want a new dress for the Ren Faire this year, so, maybe I’ll sew again. I haven’t since before I hurt my back, and I’m a little leery. Might as well take the plunge, though. Not entirely true – I sewed Dany’s Qarth dress, but that had very little sewing – 4 seams for the shoulders, and two down the sides, plus a hem. Nothing crazy and fitted like I’d be doing. Simplicity 3782, View B.

Y’know, perusing the Simplicity website, they have a Mirror Mirror pattern now. WHAT WONDROUS DAY IS THIS. Not the costume I want, but still. It pleases me.

Side note: The other night, Hiro and I were ready to collapse, so, we curled up in bed and he went to get a movie to put in the dvd player so we could snuggle and watch it. I dozed off and on throughout, but, he pulled Mirror, Mirror without even having to ask. That movie always makes me cheer up.

Drifting.

Certain recent events have left me feeling as though I’m drifting. Or even that I’ve experienced too much of everything in the past four months.

 

It will be okay, though. So I tell myself, at least.

 

My kitchen sink has a bad gasket and has for over a week – causing water to spray out from the bottom of the faucet all over my kitchen. This past weekend, we tried running the dishwasher, and it backed up into the sink. Took multiple calls to maintenance, and the property manager giving us instructions to contact her personally from henceforth, but they finally came and took a look at it. The part is on order, but I have no idea how long it will be to replace it – and I NEED TO DO DISHES. And if I can’t do dishes, I can’t cook. Also, I have dirty dishes, and people coming over.

 

Trying not to stress though. It’s bad enough that I have a dentist appointment on Monday morning for severe tooth pain. I’m exhausted and would like things to start going up. Please.

 

On the bright side, I get to see lovely people for my birthday this weekend, starting with Kiery’s arrival tomorrow night. Friday will hopefully see filming of at least one episode for a webshow, as well as copious amounts of purple dragon martinis. Saturday will involve more alcohol, dressing up, and bowling, though not necessarily in that order. Sunday, probably a D&D one-shot.

 

There should be plenty of corsets. That will spruce things up a bit. I adore a good corset (or two or three or…).

 

Now, to make it through tomorrow…

There… working on the back again…

Things I never thought I would experience, I have now experienced. I would not wish the particulars of those circumstances on anyone.

 

I don’t know what I can say about things that won’t involve angry rants at certain parties (none closely affiliated to me), tears, or confusion. I think leaving things unsaid is best.

 

Instead, let’s ignore the past couple weeks, and instead focus on the fact that I finally was able to go to study group. We discussed hedge witchery, kitchen witchery, and hearth witchery. It was fascinating, and she had some excellent Book of Shadows ideas for those of those persuasions… such as something where you can add pages. I don’t quite fit into any, but, I enjoyed the class.

 

Still, the highlight of the evening was when she told me that my energy work had improved since she’d seen me last. And, yesterday, I got two different compliments on how my massage had progressed, and tying that in with Thursday’s comment, I’m really, really happy.

 

I get to do some clinicals again this weekend. Three on Saturday and two on Sunday. Woohoo!

 

Now, I should get some sleep and work on my D&D character…

Starting Over

Last Sunday at 1:06 am, I was officially out of my old place.

 

This weekend, I am almost completely moved into our new place. Next weekend we get our washer, dryer, and new mattress/boxspring. Between now and then, it’s my goal to finish putting together our bed frame. This, however, requires acquisition of a drill.

 

Even so, it’s nice. I have a load running in the dishwasher. My clothes, though not in a dresser, are in drawers in the closet and hung up. My books are on the bookshelves. My kitchen equipment is in cabinets. My dry goods are still in boxes, though. Our dvds are on the entertainment center.

 

We cooked together yesterday.

 

It’s ours. Ours. Stuff may be shit with his mom now, but, it’s ours and belongs to us (even if it’s rented), and it has our things in it, and we made decisions about where things go.

 

It will be good. And fresh. A new start. I just found out my current job is going permanent, so I’m not worried about losing it at the end of the month. I graduate in three months, and then I can take the national boards, and get certified, and start practicing. Next month, my school is offering a Reiki I class, which I’ll be taking.

 

It’s about time to go in for a trim for my split ends again. I intend to stay on top of it. If I wait til I get paid again, I may even get my eyebrows waxed when I do it.

 

I will, no, we will make this work.

Coming apart at the seams

I have never wanted to quit school so much as right now. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Work just upped my mandatory overtime to 7 hours a week (minimum). I am glad for the work and the paycheck, but, I am behind on sleep, school, and I still have to get my clinicals in. Clinicals that people have been bailing on me for. Kinda like moving. >_>

I’m trying very hard to not think negative thoughts toward J’s mom.

I just, really truly could use a weekend that is just us. No moving. No gaming. No work.

I’m out of the old place. I’m mostly unpacked (though, short furniture having been destroyed), my job is turning permanent. I get a new bed, washer, and dryer next weekend. I’m building a frame this weekend. My tire has been fixed.

There’s a lot that’s lifting up. Then, why am I feeling like curling up and having a good cry?

I desperately hope for a blizzard tomorrow. I don’t want to go to work or school.

I hate feeling lonely. I miss IRL interactions with my nearest and dearest.

I’m tired of walls.

We have a new place.

I said “we.”

 

Hehe.

 

It’s both a scary and exciting thought. Even if he isn’t completely moving in with me quite yet, but still. It’s ours. Where we put stuff, how we decorate… it’s a joint decision now.

 

No room for the poo table, but, it’s only a year. That’s what I keep telling myself. Besides, when Vic comes to visit next week, we’re hitting up the pool hall.

 

I went to karaoke on Monday night. It was nice to go out with people – it reminded me of White Harte and the times I had in LA, and I was a little sad. I didn’t sing anything… contemplating screwing up the courage to go again.

 

I’ve promised pizza and beer to anyone who helps me pack on Friday night and/or move on Saturday.

 

I need sleep. And to eat real meals again. I’ve been averaging eating once a day for the past weekish, and even then, I wouldn’t really call it a full meal. Just, ugh.

I hate when I thought I had a relationship with somebody, and the confidence I thought we had was broken.

 

I also hate being accused of lying.

 

Gonna try and salvage the night.

Stability.

For someone who is supposedly an earth-element (Taurus), I feel like I don’t necessarily have enough earth or stability in my life. I’m starting to think my elements aren’t very balanced. I have fire in abundance, of that I am sure, and probably a decent amount of water, but earth? Yeah, not so much.

 

I’m finally going to pay my library fine off tomorrow, after work, and get some books. I’m not sure where to start, though.

 

Also, tomorrow marks the beginning of my four-week Tighten It Up workout. I’ve outlined my week as follows:

 

Monday – Cardio

Tuesday – Tighten It Up

Wednesday – Cardio

Thursday – Tighten It Up

Friday – Cardio

Saturday – Tighten It Up

Sunday – Pilates

 

In addition, my goal is to plan out food to bring with me to work, so that I’m not spending money, and I’m eating somewhat normally. I have cereal (oatmeal and cold) and milk stocked for quick breakfasts. Tonight is Red Lobster leftovers. Tomorrow I have KRAC that needs to be eaten for lunch, and tomorrow evening I’m going to cook up some of the kielbasa sitting in my fridge, and make some mashed potatoes and veggies and put them into containers for work this week. I do have drumsticks in the freezer, as well as beans and tortillas. I should probably pick up some salad so I can eat more greens.

 

I do need to pick up a water bottle, because having to buy water is driving me nuts. This way, I can just keep refilling it and better track my water intake. I probably should have done that when I was at WalMart today, picking up new weights.

 

I was starting to think that I hadn’t been keeping up with my meditating once per week, when I realised that I actually had – I do it every Sunday at the end of Pilates. That realisation definitely made me feel better.

 

I think I will set aside some of my tax refund for a gun, and the rest will go onto my credit card, and to moving bills.

Finally over.

This week has been a drag. It was my first week back at work fulltime, and I’m not certain my back has forgiven me. It was also my last week of physical therapy, which means more than ever I need to do my exercises at home.

 

I am moving in two weekends, and I still don’t know where. Tuesday morning brings appointments to look at two houses, and if neither works, then we will go with the townhouse, I suppose.

 

I am truly tired of moving, and I hate knowing that I’m moving into a place with the intention of it being but a year.

 

Not getting to see John as often as either of us are used to is hard. I try not to feel bitter about the reasons why, and mostly I think I am succeeding. I am grateful for the time we do share, however… even if it is essentially boiled down to half a day.

 

I gave him his card, and the look on his face was priceless. It had a little Cupid and heart on it, and said in fancy script, “It’s Valentine’s Day, and love is in the air…” His expression was one of “you gave into the sappy trope?” …until he opened the card and read the rest of — “…hopefully followed by my legs.” Achievement Unlocked: Pick a suitable Valentine’s card.

 

We celebrate tomorrow. Red Lobster and Die Hard. Nothing says romance like an R-rated action flick.

 

I am looking forward to some downtime with him, just… snuggling, and (trying to) not having to worry.

 

MystiCon is next weekend. I should finish my costume.